


sthlm syndrome

by a-waste-of-time-and-hot-glue (falloutboiruto)



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Dark Comedy, Ficlet, Gen, canon-typical dark humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboiruto/pseuds/a-waste-of-time-and-hot-glue
Summary: One night, Kotaro-san goes missing.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	sthlm syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> I want to preface this with saying that I love all of the characters in the show and this is not meant as character bashing. This is just silly fun. Also I haven't finished the first season yet, no spoilers pls x)

“Have any of you guys seen Kotaro-san?” Sakura asked, apropos of nothing. She and the rest of the members of Franchouchou were just about ready to go to bed after a long day of dance practice. She hadn’t seen their overbearing manager all day. This had initially turned out to be great, as they got a lot more work done without his constant yelling. But she was starting to get worried…

“Maybe his ego got so big that he got stuck in his room, unable to fit through the doorway,” Saki drawled, rolling her eyes, a mischievous smirk quirking her lips. “Nah, he’s most likely stuck in the bathroom because he ran out of toilet paper and was too much of a wuss to leave. _Again_.”

“That does seem to happen a lot…” Lily said.

“Urgh,” grunted Tae, somehow with an annoyed inflection.

The rest of the girls shrugged and decided that it was best to leave Kotaro-san to it. He'd sort things out eventually, probably.

Sakura was just about to fall asleep when she remembered what had happened at this morning’s meeting….

_“Listen up, dumbasses,” Kotaro-san had said with all the swagger of a fourth-grade schoolyard bully. "Today you need to practice because you kind of suck. Wait, that's unfair. Not just kind of, you guys actually suck a lot. Anyways, I'll be relaxing in the sauna that I built myself, awesome as I am. And no, you're not allowed to use the sauna. It's zombie-free and Kotaro-only. Later, losers!”_

_And then he had done a jaunty wave and strolled out of their creepy meeting-basement, presumably to his private sauna._

“I know where Kotaro-san is!" Sakura burst out, suddenly wide awake. Her friends only grumbled in response, so she decided to leave it. He was probably fine, doing Kotaro-san stuff on his own. Right?

-

Wrong.

The next day, Kotaro-san didn't show up for the morning meeting. This was worrisome because he was the kind of person that would never miss a chance to yell at them. So, Sakura decided to check the sauna. It was a bit hard to find at first, but it turned out to be next to Kotaro-san's private bathroom. After knocking and getting no response, she tried to open the door to the sauna but it was tightly jammed shut. She had to go get Saki to open it for her, and even then they had to combine their strengths to get the door open. A fire-hot puff of steam momentarily blinded them, but then they saw the horrors the sauna had kept from them. The fresh corpse of an ancient-looking man, but he was wearing… Kotaro-san's sunglasses….?

“Why did an old man steal Kotaro-san's sunglasses, break into the sauna, and then just… die?" Sakura huffed out after she'd panicked for a solid five minutes. This made no sense. Then, where was Kotaro-san—

“Sakura! _Dude_. Use your moldy brains for a second,” Saki said. “That _is_ Kotaro. He got stuck in here and died of heatstroke. The hot temperature must've made him shrivel up like a raisin overnight."

Oh.

_Oh._

After a group meeting with the rest of the girls, they concluded that Kotaro-san's untimely death was tragic, but there was nothing they could do about it. Of course, there was a chance of him coming back as a zombie again, but they made a plan for that as well. In the end, they never spoke of Kotaro-san again and despite their loss of their manager, they all became world-famous idols. But sometimes upon a moonlit night in the zombie mansion, one of the girls could be seen heading towards the locked basement carrying a bucket of fish heads and a bag of dried squid...

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> please leave me kudos and comments if you've enjoyed this!


End file.
